Ferachron outline Book One- Taenar’s Shadow Prologue-A vow Andy promises Alfeyra that he will bring her back. The Promise Scene: Inside a med room, Alfreya's been rushed at maximum speed to the nearest fully-equipped Federation hospital. She is dying. Andrew is inside with her, Isa waits outside. Her eyes are shut, she is keeping herself from hearing whatever goes within. She knows that a person could change within a month. B-sol is leaning against the wall beside her. Unlike Isa, he's not suppressing his hearing, so he hears the talking between the Kitaran and the Taenarian. Helios is not around, he's been arrested for some as yet unknown crime. Froth couldn't care less about Alfreya or Andrew. Alfreya is dying, the Taenarians did all they could to stabilize her, but it's clear that she's fading fast. Insert the whole Stone of Shenari lecture and the proposed process here. She confesses her love for Andrew, and asks him if he loves her too. Andrew tries to answer, but it no longer matters. Fey is dead. B-sol thinks Andrew should just let the Natural Order of things be. He has finally come to terms with Mimir's death after all these years. He doesn't want Andrew to sufffer as he did. But, to no avail. So instead, despite the bad feeling he's got, he pulls IGF strings to get the information needed, and points Andrew in the right direction. Then he leaves, severing all ties with the IGF, and is never seen from again. Andrew finds the scientists. They are funded by the Polloid Union, but of course... 'no one' knows that. Nevertheless, they are the only ones with the resources and the moral flexibility to undertake the task. Chapter 1- “Dear Diary” Memos of one of the scientists that create Feralya. The Wings of Stone Competition is the name of the game. Biotechnology might surpass the might of machinization... there are many scientists in this complex, some work on cyborg technology, some work on weaponry, some on psi. The scientist is one of a team devoted to something called the Project Darkbringer. Feralya's grown comes in steps. From zygote to baby. Baby to two years old, then into the generation chamber. Two to five years. Then she lives normally for two years. Seven to eleven. She wakes and lives again this time, enduring tests until she is twelve. Then she goes into the chamber to sleep for ten years of age. Chapter 2- The awakening Fera’s powers begin to reach maturity, her dreams begin to haunt her actively, and she realises that her own “father” is taking great advantage of her. She escapes leaving a wake of destruction behind her. Sleeper Awake Feralya is twenty-two physically, and is bewildered. The people she remembers treat her differently now. She remembers things, they still look the same... the tests are the same... but the results - are different. She is made to kill rodents, by controlling their heart rate until their hearts explode. She unleashes psionic storms. She finds herself capable of flying. Her 'father' appaluds, and tells her she deserves a reward. So he tells her, to go to his room... and remove her uniform... and... There is talk that they would soon out her 'to use'. Her 'father' doesn't wish this. He wants Fer to be free, he tells her that he loves her... This triggers something in Feralya. "Feralya? What's wrong, my dear?" "GET AWAY FROM ME! NO! HELP! ANDREW!!" Boom. Chapter3- A Zallun rescue? Lord Percival Xablake’s ship receives the distress call from the freighter-turned-laboratory that Feta is on; she has destroyed much of the ship. Rescue Try planetoid-turned laboratory. She is floating in hard vacuum, but somehow still alive. They scoop her in. There is much mutterings, everyone is suspicious - there is criticism of Lord Percival's actions. Play this up. Feralya's used to being scrutinized, but this is her first experience of widespread contempt. Chapter 4- “Take me to Taenaria” Fera does some research, while aboard Liege Lord and discovers a race of beings similar to herself, known as “Taenarians,” and thinks that they can help her solve her past. Include in Chapter Three. Chapter 5- A strange encounter A lone, unexpected scourge raider diverts the course of the Liege Lord from Taenaria. Fera sees this as some sort of trickery. Scourge?!! But I thought this was after the Scourge War already? Wark's Weapons Wares and all that? But, all right... though by that time, the Scourge won't be much of a threat in face of the Federations' much superior learned technology. Chapter 6- Dreams Fera’s dreams become much more consuming, even to the point of the occasional waking vision, and her desires to unravel her past swell to near overwhelming. Include in Chapter Six Chapter7- Rampage! Convinced that the crew of the Liege Lord, particularly Lord Percival, are plotting to keep her from her goal, Feralya takes matters into her own hands in an attempt to escape her “captors” and reach whatever end she is seeking. Include in Chapter Six Chapter 8- If only tomorrow Drifting aimlessly through space in a stolen, Zallun shuttle, Fera learns the hardships of extended, solo space travel, living only to get another day closer to the “end”. Chapter 9- The Quelaaran edict A Quelaaran ambassador ship retrieves Feralya, and at her pleading (threatening), decree that she must be given freedom of travel as she wishes, and offer to escort her to Taenaria. This part must die. Chapter 10- Shining star Fera finally arrives on Taenaria- her journey there with the Quelaar. A Station. How about Michael? She is accosted by several hooligans, and she is unsure on how to respond. She is saved by the Han Solo character which you NEED TO INTRODUCE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Remember, character interaction is key to the whole thing. She must be almost completely different from Feralya. How about Cetes Marcel Tanisia? A Derivian, and incidentally, the vagabond son of (now disbanded)IGF parents. Chapter11- A link? Quelaaran medics, in trying to identify their strange, Taenarian guest, find that her DNA matches that of a particular Taenarian fmaily- the Ta-Katis. Instead, try a bootleg medical unit. Think of it, coming of age - from the bottom, up. She learns from the dregs of civilization, to be better prepared to face the two-sided faces of higher society. She learns how to exploit the weaknesses of rules, of how to appear blameless, and most of all, to learn friendship forged of suffering. Learning from the school of Life. Chapter 12-A reception Fera is taken to theTa-Kati’s house and introduced to Hallathus and Irina Ta-Kati. Fera senses that this is indeed something from her past- serious de ja vous. They head to Taenaria, looking for more answers(in a hijacked ship, of course). They learn the Ta'Katis. Despite her friends (yes, she aquires them- this CAN'T be a coming of age story without friendship) she breaks into the Ta'Kati home. And is caught. There is some stir, as thievery is uknown amongst Taenarians... then there's the IdenSearch, and her DNA is revealed. Chapter 13-A rejection After introductions and conversation, the Ta-Kati’s refuse to accept that Feralya is a relative. The invite her to stay on as a guest until the local Taenarian council can help her find her relations, or assign her to a healer ship. Fera accepts the invitation guardedly. Her friends are of course seen as little more than homeless troublemakers, hardly worthy of a Taenarian's company. This irks Feralya greatly. Chapter 14- “I will not be denied” Feralya spend several months with her gracious hosts, but her continued visions and uncanny de ja vous set the Ta-Katis on edge (i.e. freaks them out). They press the council to action, who then come to escort Fera to her “new life” at the screening school for the University of Charisma. Fera sees her path to her goal being blocked and responds in kind. Or, her friends try to break her out, trying to convince her that the past doesn't matter. The Taenarians come in with a supression force, aka several powerful psionists, and they try to manipulate her subconcious to calm her down. One of her friends draw a hidden pistol to shoot a Taenarian. Cetes exclaims "Screw this! Come with us, Fer! We can topple this galaxy together!" Feralya looks around, looks into everyone's eyes. Their rapt expressions. Fear. Tinged with hunger. Familiar. Those were the same eyes of the scientists who made her. They all saw her as a thing, something to be controlled, her powers their tools. Boom. Chapter15- Enter the light Following the violent and mysteriou death of several council members, as well as the severe maiming of the Ta-Katis, Malan Caesis immediately embarks to find the perpetrator of such heinous deeds, calling in Taenar’s light to do the job. Alexa Steel is assigned. Hm... I thought Where Angels Tread happened way BEFORE the Scourge War. Then again, that's just my opinion... it's your call. I'll have to push Lio Yanfarr, Quill Miranda and Augustine Rigger further back into the past, but hey... at least I get to fictionalize freely. ^_^ Lot more work, though. Chapter 16- Steel on steel Fera has decided to leave Taenaria, notwithstanding the links she had found here (she feels it’s a big trap) and attempts to secure transportation to... somewhere. Alexa catches up with her at the port and attempts to accost her. Their clash. Try Tyranis. And Alexa officially challenges Feralya. She can't refuse... she's already learnt of the 'fighting honor' from her rogue friends. Chapter17- An unintentional escape Fera nearly kills Alexa, and flees to hide in the holds of a starliner, which lifts off before she realises what’s happening. Calming down some, Fera decides to ride it out and see where this thread of fate takes her. Include in Chapter 17. Chapter 18- More light- longer shadow At Alexa’s report (and citing her injuries as evidence), Malan realises that Feralya represents a great danger, especially if she falls under the wrong influence. He activates all of Taenar’s light and sets them to task, hunting her down, telling them to take her alive if possible. Malan debates wheter or not to alert Hotaru to the fact that he has resources at his disposal, so she'd apply her vast mental abilities to searching and he'd send the Taenar's Light on point. He decides not to. He calls in the very best of his people... but muses that the generations is a young one. Inexperienced. Overenthusiastic. And certainly not even a match for the preceding generation of Lightchasers. But then again, that was how Lysle Rigger and his compatriots seemed at first. Epilogue- To the stars Feralya, aware of the attention she has attracted resorts to fleeing to wherever she can, hoping to find another, solid link to her past, one that will piece the puzzle together and rid her of her dreams. She becomes a wanderer. Cetes and several have survived, and he wants to follow Feralya to apologize, even though she'll probably kill him on sight. Alexa also wants to pursue Fer, even though she knows she's overmatched. She needs help - and she knows who might be able to 'balance the scales' so to speak. Too bad he's retired. Feralya has a clue. And a name, whispered from the recesses of a dead memory. Andrew. A Kit, borne on wings of fire. A starship pilot. A hotshot starship pilot. And where do hotshot starship pilots hang out, to be free from Federation constraints? The Tyranis Independent Arm. Continuty gets a headache, as War smiles again. Um.. upon first seeing the outline, sorry - but the overall feeling I got was that it was ... Pointless. Utterly pointless. There's no love interest, there's no serious threat to her persona, there isn't foreboding that someone might be controlling her actions without her knowing it... Feralya's too invulnerable too soon. The ending's lacking purpose. The pacing's too staid... remember, the primary purpose of ANY story is to entertain. Which means a rising sense of excitement, heighten unpredictability and complexity as it progresses. The second is to instruct. Mold a reader's mind. What is there to learn from this story? So far - that power is cool. Bullying is good. Mocking others of their inferiority is acceptable. Heck, call it racism. Call it crime without punishment. The fact that you plan on 'punishing' her in Book Two won't excuse it - a book MUST BE ABLE TO STAND ON ITS OWN. Or you're selling out before you've even made a cent... and in fact, lose out on chances of ever making one. Nothing disgusts a reader more than a stilted cut-off story. There must be consequences to EVERYONE'S actions. Book one is Innoncence Lost, neh? Keep that in mind. Fix the tone of the story, as of now it's mostly Feralya moves from A to B and shows how superior she is along the way, proving herself to be stronger than those who thought they were already strong. Excuse me - that's the entire plot of Dragonball Z. And you know how much that sucks great yellowgoat arse. ^_^ It's not about power, but the accompanying responsibility of that power. Oh, yes.. she'll pay the price just like everyone else. Think, Feralya starts with hope and optimism. Later she ends up wounded, but more adept at adapting. That's the whole point, have Feralya GROW. Adapt HER to the circumstance, not the circumstance to Feralya.